Dear Dear Friends
…………………..My Dear Friends…………..I am so sorry to have to write to you with this heartbreaking news………..My Heart, my Soul, the Love of my Life, my Wonderful Beautiful Jac passed away on December 12th, at 3:50 in the afternoon. I don’t even know what to say, because I am completely shattered. I don’t know how I will, or if I can ever recover. I miss her so much, all I do is cry…..
I know in my heart she would want me to make this very brief, but she deserves so much more than a sentence or two…..so my darling please forgive.
We found out a year and a half ago, July 2016 that Jac had cancer. How could this be!? Jac never smoked and lived a completely healthy life style. Jac had heart problems. That was part of her family history, but not cancer. When we got this shocking and horrific news we went right to Boston Mass General where we know the head of Oncology, Dr. Alice Shaw. Jac was fast tracked, and after many tests and studies, Dr. Shaw started Jac on a drug, and miracle of miracles it worked, and it worked fast. Within 12 days Jac was feeling well enough to come home. She improved quickly, and Dr Shaw told us they were the best scans she had ever seen for someone who was on this drug for so short a time. For a year all was well, Jac was back modeling at QVC, and everything seemed normal and right with the world…..She was able to do everything she had done before. She felt great. We were so relieved…..We even went this past June to our favorite Island, Anguilla, where this photo was taken, and we were so happy….Life was good and we were so thankful. She had thought she would never see Anguilla again, and here we were, basking in the beautiful sunset………..We were in heaven.
Little did we know. This past August Jac started to feel unwell, and we learned the pill had stopped working and the cancer had returned.
Jac was devoted to her Mother….her “Mommy”, and her Mommy was devoted to her. They were one heart and one soul. I have never, and will probably never see a mother and daughter as close as they were….and I’m sure they are in each others arms as I write this. Her Mom moved in with us and lived with us for many years. When Mom passed Jac kept her room exactly as it was, as if she had never left. It has been that way ever since…… Every morning and every evening Jac wrote to her Mom in her journals, sitting in her Mom’s room in a wicker chair, covered in a crocheted blanket of the American flag her mother made, looking through the window at the Long Island sound. Looking at the same view her Mom had looked at for all those years. It gave Jac peace. I too have started doing the same thing. I have never kept journals, but now I write to Jac each morning and every night, or when ever I feel she’s slipping away from me…It helps me to feel close to her…It helps me to write to her….to tell her stories. She loved when I told her stories……The last month of Jac’s life she kept saying to me, ” you must keep a routine, it’s important to keep a routine. You must work and keep busy or you will fall into a black deep abyss, and I don’t want that for you, please promise me this.” I promised, but it is so hard not to fall into the darkness…….. Much of my work was joyful because I knew she was there, and a big part of it. I have not been able to walk into my studio since she left me……She kept doing her Facebook page and insisted that I take photos of the newest styles on her so she could post them to you…….even when she was in terrible pain. I said, “Hon you don’t have to do this”, but as weak as she was she said, “I can’t disappoint my friends”. She truly loved you all very much…..So, for those who think, as I have read on the Linea Forum, that meaningful, heartfelt relationships can’t be made by communicating for over 17 years on Facebook or blogs or fashion shows on QVC, I say to them “you are so so wrong”, all you need is an “open giving, and loving Heart”, and Jac gave, gave, gave, expecting nothing in return. For those who think that what we have both done is for business purposes, I say “shame on you.”………Jac and I both knew the love that was, and is shared between all of us was true, and real……………I will never address this again.
I kept her home for as long as I could and at Thanksgiving she asked if I we could have our Christmas early. I said “of course Hon, anything you want”……so I put all the decorations up, and everything looked beautiful for her. We had our Christmas…….When she finally had to leave our home, and went into the hospital, I never left her for one second……..She had hoped for snow. She wanted to see snow again, and on that Saturday, December 9th, God was good and gave her her wish. It was a beautiful snow fall, and she was so happy…….On the 11th when Jac, was getting weaker and weaker, she knew in her heart that all hope of recovery was gone. She looked at me, held my hand, and said “Lou, please tell me the truth”. I said to her “Hon, I have never lied to you, and I never will”. We held each other and she asked me all the hard questions……all the things I could never say on my own. After all of her questions were answered she told me ” I have loved you from the first time I saw you, it was love at first sight for me. Lou I never want to leave you…….but it’s time for me to go to my Mommy, I want to go home to Mommy”……I told her it was alright, and to give Mom a big hug and a kiss. Jac had told me I was her Mother’s angel…..I was the only one her Mom trusted to take care of her precious baby…………………Jac passed away in a beautiful room with all of the things she wanted with her. She had no pain. It was peaceful and serene, and I held her close. I knew she was at last in her Mommy’s loving arms.
I sat in her Mom’s room after Jac passed and asked Jac for guidance….The days were going by and I hadn’t said a word. I knew everyone was so concerned and worried for us……so I talked to Jac and WE made the decision to wait until after Christmas to let everyone know…We did not want to make it a sad day for anyone. Please forgive me if my delay in posting this has caused anyone pain. I never meant to hurt anyone by my silence. When is it the right time to have to say these words?……I still can’t believe I’m writing them.
One day Jac and I will be together again. I know this for sure…….I know I will miss her and want her with me every moment of the life I have left…..I must believe that she is beside me and I’m always looking for her messages and signs…..Jac and I had many adventures together and took many journeys……Our physical journey has now ended, but I know in my heart our spiritual journey has just begun……….Even so…..It is so terribly hard.
I want to thank all those who knew what was happening for the last year and a half and kept our wish not to let anyone know. I want to thank my friends at QVC for being my advocate through this horrible period of time, and for the help and love they provided. I want to thank Dr. Alice Shaw and Dr. Jessica Lin at Boston Mass General for giving Jac that precious year of feeling “normal” and healthy again. I especially want to thank Dr. Caleb Moore, our doctor here in Greenwich, for being at our home at a moments notice, and for taking charge of Jac’s care when he knew I could no longer give her the care she needed. Mostly, I want to thank my family and her closest friends, who she loved so much, and were there for her at the end. They made it possible for Jac to leave this world surrounded by their love. I will be forever grateful….. Jac was an extremely private person. We didn’t have many friends….out of choice……. All we ever wanted or needed was each other, our babies, and our home by the sea. We would call our home…..”Our separate peace”, where nothing could disturb or touch us or harm us…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
This post is meant for YOU and YOU alone. I know Jac would think I have already said too much. She always said I talked too much, but I could go on and on taking about the love of my life……..Please do NOT re-post this message that I’m sending to you on any other social media……Not on the QVC boards or Facebook. I know that this news will spread quickly, but I beg you to keep our privacy the best you can, and if you must speak, speak of the Love you have for Jac.
I, with all of my heart, and I know with all of Jac’s heart, want to thank all of you who have become Dear Dear Friends over these passed years. Your concern, caring and love shines though, and I know I will need all of you more than ever.
I feel there is a hole in my chest where my heart used to be. A terrible emptiness that will never go away, but I also know my heart must still be there , because it’s full of love for my Jac…….Before Jac came into my life I was a very lonely person. I had many many friends, but I still felt this terrible loneliness…………Jac taught me what love was all about, and it was Jac who taught me how to love…………………………………There will never be another like her……………….not for me……………..not ever………..My only solace is that we will be together again.
