“DECEMBER 12TH, JAC’S 6TH ANNIVERSARY”
…………………It seems like yesterday that Jac passed away and left me……and yes, after six years, the feelings aren’t constantly as raw, and with time the pain that I had every moment of the day has faded………but scratch me just below the surface, and it all comes back….as real and painful as ever. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t speak to Jac, but there are never any answers…..I’m always looking for her signs……I remember when her dear mother died she would say to me…”Lou, I don’t hear her…I know she would do anything in her power to reach me!! I don’t even see her in my dreams!”….I knew she was loosing faith….Every day from the day her mom passed away until nine years later when Jac could no longer hold a pencil, she would sit in her moms room, looking out the window at the water, and wrote to her on her legal pads….I would try to reassure her and sooth her by telling her “she’s always here with you hon in everything you do….she’s inside of you, she’s in your heart”….so now I’m always looking for Jac’s signs to me…I too, for the first year, sat in that same chair and every day I wrote to Jac…..but I felt in my heart that she knew what I wanted to say to her before I could put pencil to paper so I stopped…..Talking to her helped me more than the writing….I have read many books about grief, and the words did give momentary solace, but they too fade with time, and the pain comes back…..I have been collecting these quotes for a long time, and have been saving them for today…Each one speaks so true to me…….I miss my Jac terribly, but I know she wanted me to go on and be HAPPY…I have no choice…….Go on I will until we are together again……but it’s the happy part that is difficult.