Hello Everyone,
Today, January 12th, has been one month since I lost my beautiful Jac. It is pouring rain today and it feels very appropriate. I hear the rain beating on the house, and it is exactly how I feel. I cry every day. I can’t seem to hold them back, and honestly I don’t try. I had received a message that these were “sacred tears”, and that they are. I still can not believe that I will not see her again in my lifetime.
I have received requests asking if there was a special charity or organization that Jac and her mother were affiliated with. They both had heart problems, and Jac’s mother always felt so guilty that she passed this on to her Baby. If anyone would like to make a donation in their names it should be to…..The American Heart Association………..I know Jac and her Mom would be very happy that this organization would be getting help……I thank you for asking……I thank you for caring so much………….Love, Louis
Dear Louis,
I have a letter I started to you and am still writing. I was originally going to send it c/o the QVC studio offices, but I thank you for the New York address. Three years ago Jan 12-13, my mother’s undiagnosed heart condition led to an emergency cathaterization and stent during a heart attack, and a punctured artery caused severe internal hemorrhaging. Her doctor had misdiagnosed all the symptoms as “extremely severe migraines” and told her to eat more salt. Thank you for sharing the AHA as an organization for donations. There is still so much we forget is different with men and women when it comes to symptoms of a heart attack.
Dear Rochelle, Jac had early symptoms. She complained of what she thought was acid reflux and a sometimes a cough. Our doctor sent her to a specialist. The doctor asked Jac if she smoked, ate spicy foods, drank alcohol etc etc. all of which Jac said no. Jac truly lived an extremely healthy life style. She cooked every meal, fish, chicken, vegetables etc. and went to the gym 6 days a week and took 2 to 3 classes each time. She was always very disciplined, and I always admired her for that quality. Finally, the doctor, who was a female, said “well you must be doing something different”. Jac replied that she had started chewing Orbit gum. The doctor said that it had a lot of menthol in it and this could be irritating her throat, and to stop chewing it. This sort of made sense to Jac so she stopped. The burning subsided a little but it continued. Jac didn’t like this doctor just from the way she spoke to her, and had the feeling the doctor thought Jac was bulimic which was causing the problem. Why bulimic, just because she was tall and thin. Jac had this unsettling feeling about this doctor, and Jac’s instincts about people were 9 times out of 10 right on. No one thought to do an MRI or investigate further. She started to get pains in her back and down her leg, and that’s when she stopped modeling at QVC. We were worried. We went to our cardiologist, who was a dear friend. He sent Jac to get an MRI and an X ray taken. This was 3 months after she had seen the “throat specialist” and that’s when we found out. Why hadn’t the throat doctor taken this path? She assumed Jac’s problems were from other causes and never thought to look further. I have learned that when you don’t feel well to take your health into your own hands, and not always rely on doctors to make the right choices. We should have insisted on getting an MRI sooner, but we never ever thought the word cancer.
Dear Louis, I’m so sorry. I had no idea her sciatica was really the start. With my mom, she collapsed and was pounding the wall, trying to call for my dad.immthe one who heard and found her, face down on the stairs, icy cold sweat and completely grey. Then she vomited, my mom was maybe 95lbs, and about 5’2”.this was our first trek to the ER, 11p.m. Jan 1, 2015. It all unfolded very quickly, I appreciate your frustrations and am glad you kept looking; it gave you more time together. And it really is about having the time.
It wasn’t until another week and a half of these attacks that my mom was able to tell me she couldn’t breathe while it was happening. That’s when her GP said to find a cardiologist. No interest in doing any diagnostics himself in the meantime because his in-office ekg showed nothing. Before she could get an appointment, we again had the paramedics come and she was admitted. I completely understand. My father has the same GP and he’s been stunningly incompetent and dismissive of his health as well, stating repeated loss of consciousness was a symptom of grief. It is enraging that such people are allowed to practice and do harm.
Rochelle, why does he continue going to this doctor. He must have friends or neighbors who see other doctors.
Louis,
That’s one of the few things my brother and I agree on. I have no idea; resistance to change perhaps? This GP rarely tells my dad anything he doesn’t want to hear and wouldn’t back me up about a gentle diet when having GI flares. My dad is a resident in a retirement facility on a floor that is both independent and assistive care. Sometimes you have to let the battle go until you need to use medical power of attorney.
My love and thank you for the conversation. Hug your babies. I’m cuddling one of my girls right now while she naps.
Louis,
I didn’t realize Jac was treated at Dana-Farber. It is where I was treated for Breast Cancer. My daughter worked there for 12 tears in breast cancer research and is still there in another postion. It is a magnificent facility. I will also make a donation In Jac’s name!
Remember you suffer this difficult grief because you had an exceptional love.
A couple of years ago I purchased Caroline Kennedy’s book of her mother’s best loved poems.
The Bargain
Sir Phillip Sydney
My true love hath my heart and I hath his,
By just exchange one for another given:
I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss,
There never was a better bargain driven:
My true love hath my heart, and I have his.
His heart in me keeps him and me in one,
My heart in him for his thoughts and senses guides:
He loves my heart, for once it was his own,
I cherish his because in me it abides:
My true love hath my heart, and I have his.
Dear Louis,
I think of you often.I’m so glad you have family & friends to help you through this painful time.I just made a donation in Jac’s name to the AHA.I’m glad you’re trying to keep busy preparing for your show.Please know that I’ll be watching sending you strength through prayer!!
Dear Judi,
You can send the card to me:
Louis Dell’Olio
C/O Lai Apparel
209 West 38th Street 9th Floor
NY, NY 10018
They will get it to me quicker…A donation to Dana-Farber would be beautiful..Thank you so much……..Love, Louis
Thank you for the fast response.
Donations are the very least we can do, hopefully some day these scourges will be gone.
Take good care
Judi
Dear Louis
Yes, it is a day to fit the mood. I’ve been thinking of you all day.
I have a question I hope you can answer. I had been following Jac on Facebook and knew that she was leaving a bequest to the AHA, because of her Mom’s struggles.
I immediately made a donation in Memoriam but they wanted an address for a card to be sent. I wasn’t sure to send it to QVC corporate or to you personally (I felt uncomfortable using your home address). I made the donation with no card (and I don’t expect a thing in return)
Where would you prefer Memoriam contributions cards be sent? I would also like to send a donation to Dana-Farber, if you don’t mind.
(((Hugs)))
Judi
Our thoughts are with you and our hearts go out to you. Thank you for this suggestion of an earthly good we can do in Jac’s memory.
Hello Louis,
Thank you for posting this. I think we all feel so helpless and sad, this is something we can do.
Love and prayers,
Elaine and Dan