……………………………….Tuesday and Weds. morning were extremely emotional days for me. I truly didn’t know how I was going to get through it, and not fall apart. Jac and I had some serious conversations and she was constantly in my head speaking to me……I knew she would be by my side and give me the strength I would need…..God was kind to Jac and I by bringing Aaron into our lives. She is also an Angel on Earth. I thank you for pushing me to have someone accompany me on my first trip to QVC . Aaron was just the perfect person to be with me. When I asked her if she was doing anything on the 30th and 31st, she said “no, nothing”. I said “would you like to come with me to QVC”, and she said “absolutely” without a hesitation. We talked and reminisced all the way down. We even stopped at the Molly Pitcher rest stop where Jac and I would always take a break to stretch our legs.We met Angela at the hotel and went directly to QVC where we met Suzi. She’s an older woman who styles shows and is backup for many shows helping prepare the clothes for showing. Suzi adored Jac and she loves me, and we both love her dearly. Shes just that kind of person. Our kind of people. She and Angela got the clothing rack and met Aaron and me at the loading dock where I unloaded all the duffel bags with the accessories and the two bags of samples I brought down to put with the scripted garments, like the crop pants that aren’t avail. yet. Then Suzi brought the rack to the models room and Angela, Aaron and I went off to Kate’s home.
……………….Kate has a lovely home. It’s elegant, sophisticated yet very homey. We went into the kitchen where Maria was heating up her eggplant parm. [the best I have ever eaten], and Kate made a Squash Spaghetti. I had never had it before and it was delicious. There was also a lovely salad, bree with walnuts, and for desert Kate made the most beautiful Raspberry torte……but before we ate we gathered in Kate’s living room………..Angela, Aaron, Maria, Kate, Brenda and the surprise guest for me was Jayne Brown! Unfortunately Chantal couldn’t join us because she was on a photo shoot in NYC, but would be back for the show……To say there were tears would be an understatement. They were all so upset to hear about my Baby. No one had any idea that Jac was sick at all. They thought she had a back problem that prevented her from doing the shows and that’s why she hadn’t modeled for a while. Little did anyone know what we had been going through….back and forth to Boston for a year and a half…………..Then they started giving me presents….I said “Oh no! I don’t want presents, we’re not here for presents”, but they insisted…..First, Maria gave me a beautiful journal for me to write to Jac in……I will tell Jac all about the get together at Kate’s in this journal……..then Brenda gave me a musical Snow Globe, and I started to cry. I said ” Brenda did you know Jac collected snow globes?” She hadn’t and we all decided it was Jac who picked it out for Brenda…..a sign…….It has a beautiful prayer in it that turns with the music, which is a hymn. It is engraved in the front…..”Jac, always in our hearts”…….Oh boy…..did I need tissues………Then Angela gave me her present. First was an amethyst crystal that is supposed to have healing powers. I had it in my pocket during the show….I needed all the powers I could get…Then she gave me a small aged box. Inside was an old leather small case with a strap and buckle. Inside this case was an antique compass. When I took the metal top off the compass inside of the top was engraved the Robert Frost poem “The Road less Traveled” . How beautiful was that. I need a compass to help lead me on my new road and the poem was so fitting for me right now in my life………Then……..Jayne Brown handed me a large package. I couldn’t imagine what it was. When I opened it I just fell apart. She had painted this beautiful portrait of Jac. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I couldn’t believe Jayne had taken the time out of her life to do this oil painting for me…..I have painted pictures in the past so I know the hours and patience it takes to do an oil painting……She captured Jac’s spirit beautifully…….I have many precious gifts that Jac has given me over the years. There are ones that I would even call sacred. Besides those special treasures….this portrait is the most beautiful thing that was ever given to me in my life.. I hope Jayne truly knows how much it means to me. I told her so, but the telling isn’t enough. It will hang in Jac’s Mommy’s room above her Mom’s bed. This room has become my sanctuary. The room in my house where I feel closest to Jac……All of these presents, which mean so much to me, will all be kept in this room, where I go and sit everyday and write to my Jac. I will see them and remember how wonderful these women have always been to Jac and myself………I love them all so very much.
When I first saw this portrait of Jac I was speechless I couldn’t even post right away. I didn’t know Jac personally but Jayne captured her essence and spirit beautifully. I can only imagine how it has touched your heart. Jayne is truly a gem and so very talented.
Oh Louis, what beautiful, thoughtful gifts from everyone . Jayne’s painting is stunning, she is very talented. I am so glad Aaron went with you and that, during the show, you were surrounded by these women who obviously love you very much. Jayne did a great job and I loved watching you, you are a very special man. I am still awaiting my order.
Sending Love, strength and hugs.
I had asked for Jayne. She worked it out so she could be there for me. It wasn’t easy for her or any of the models to do this first show. There are many hosts I am fond of, but I always felt I could see into Jayne’s soul, and knew she would be the one I wanted to be with. The portrait was a total surprise……She was the right one. I know Jac made it happen. I also know, Jac wanted it it to be as easy for me as possible.
I was so happy to see you back on the Q. I was also so sad that your beautiful Jac had passed from this earth. She was so graceful and classically beautiful. I always enjoyed your shows when she modeled. It was evident that you two loved each other very much. She was your muse. And she still will be. I have enjoyed your clothes for many years. I always feel up to date and classy. Jaynes portrait was amazing. She is a great artist and the fact that she took the time to put her love and talent into a canvas for you speaks volumes. You are loved! Please continue to create beautiful classic clothes for those of us who enjoy being feminine.
Dear Lynda, Jac has always been my inspiration for everything in my life, and always will.
So grateful that the QVC family embraced and held you through all this difficult time. How wise of Kate and the other models to express their love and concern as they did. Such wise and loving gifts.
Jayne’s portrait of Jac is the crowning point of their love for you. Your show was a triumph of love and spirit over the sadness that life brings at times.
Oh, Louis, don’t beat up on yourself at all! You have the “disease” that most men have: you don’t talk the way we women do! Ray is always mystified when I get on the phone to talk long distance with a woman friend of many, many years and we talk two hours or more straight! I lost my voice with the last marathon phone call I had! “What on earth did you talk about?” he says. We women examine every nook and cranny of whatever it is we are talking about and consider it an absolute necessity to have a full conversation LOL!
I can only echo what the others have already said about your return show to QVC. Jayne was a ROCK, but such a loving and sensitive one, and such a dear to paint Jac’s portrait for you. The other gifts were so thoughtfully chosen and the ladies WANTED you to have something from each of them to remember Jac by. If there is one word to describe the trip and back it is LOVE! And that love came right through the TV screen. I know we are all very grateful that you felt up to it and also appreciate how difficult it would be for all. But all came through with the strength of character that you all have.
Dear Louis,
Your post is so filled with love, as are all the responses. I hope you feel it, too.
I watched you on the show and think you handled yourself so well. I loved the way you spoke about Jac, and hope you continue to do so. She is a part of you and your beautiful designs, and always will be.
Sending love to you both,
Mary
Louis,
So glad that you and Jac have so many good friends at QVC, as it must have been very trying this first time back. The firsts are always the hardest.
The painting by Jane is wonderful, wow, what talent she has. It does portray Jac extremely well and her essence shines through.
My very best to you in your new journey.
Louis
I have always loved these lines from the Merchant of Venice, “The quality of mercy is not strained, it droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath. It is twice blessed; it blesseth him that gives and him that takes.”
I think that the same can be said for showing kindness and generosity of spirit to others. As Kate and many of the Linea ladies have said so eloquently in their posts, you and Jac were true friends to those around you. Those friends are now here for you when you need them.
It is wonderful to read that you received such special and meaningful presents. And thank you for sharing Jayne’s painting of Jac with us. It is truly amazing.
Take care.
Michelle
Wow! How talented is Jayne Brown. I”ve always thought of QVC in general as a class act,but those gifts were above and beyond. You are blessed in so many ways. Don’t let guilt and regret burden you. None of us are perfect…only one was perfect. Love and prayers always,Pamela in the sunny south.
Dear Louis,
I have read, reread, and reread your post and all of the amazing responses from you and your ladies. I agree with all the accolades about the models, the stunning portrait, etc. and have no words to add to the powerful ones that have already been said. Your Jac was beyond description, as is your devotion to her and the love and respect your friends have for you both. My husband of fifty three years and I are the same—-he on his IPad, me in my little world, together, totally comfortable in our love and caring, though often in silence. Don’t beat yourself up. Meanwhile, I think many of us will try a little harder to have more conversations, because of you. Thank you for that!
Love,
Karla
If that happens Karla I will be so happy. I can’t help but feel I may have missed magic moments, because I was self involved. I have no regrets, because Jac told me not to. She wanted me to know that she knew I did everything I could for her. She didn’t want me to have any guilt, but you always feel you could have done it better. No one did more for their mother than her, but she always felt she didn’t do enough. I guess that’s just how we feel about the ones we love……you can never do enough.
So true.
Louis- This was such a moving post to read. The thoughtfulness of the models and Jayne is amazing. You have a lot of people around you
that care about you and Jac and that will help you on your next journey. Dealing with my own loss of losing my Aunt recently has been very difficult. I watch my mom grieve for her only sibling on a daily basis and it just breaks my heart. But, I have made up my mind to not dwell on the hardships of grief but instead to celebrate my Aunts life. I can tell you are doing the same thing when it comes to Jac. You are in my prayers everyday.
Dear Louis, Thank you for sharing your last few days, I read this with tears running down my face as it truly shows how loved you and Jac are. What thoughtful gifts and heartfelt kindness everyone showed at this difficult time for you. I think all of us feel we know this special group of people so much more intimate now and take note of how kind we should be to each us while we are all still here in this life. I look forward to hearing what 2018 holds for you and excited to see your next upcoming shows. Keep on doing what you’re doing, Jac will help you. Cry when you need to, smile when you want to and talk to Jac to give you strength on your new journey. Love Janey
Dear Janey. I have had a lot of lonely hours to think and contemplate about my life with Jac, and we had a great life together. However, now when I think about it….there are so many little things I would have done differently when Jac was with me. Why does it take a loss like this to realize only to late the things I should have done…..simple things like talk to her more. Sometimes she would say to me, “talk to me, lets have a conversation about anything”. Instead I would be engrossed on my I-Pad…..Men just don’t get it. All Jac was asking for was a little more attention. I now realize that is just one of the reasons she missed her Mommy so much. They talked and talked and talked. It’s a lesson all men should learn before it’s too late.If I could only turn back the clock I would talk her ear off.
Dear Louis, My husband is the same. He works from home a lot and is often in his office tapping away on his keyboard seeming irritated by the odd interruption by me with silly questions but deep down I know he loves me and I KNOW Jac loved/loves you too. I lost my mum some years ago and felt really depressed and beat myself up for awhile on what I should of, could of done and said while she was alive. It must be the process of grieving because now I look back with only good thoughts and memories and that is what you will do. Please don’t be hard on yourself, you are doing so well and you don’t even realise it. The courage you had to get up, drive and go on live TV must of been because Jac was right there with you. Perhaps she did want to just “talk” but happily married couples grow comfortable and, I believe, take each other for granted in the nicest sense of the word. These are early days in your loss and painful but what’s the saying “better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. She must of know by what she said to you in her last months that you would find it hard in many ways. Maybe I will show my husband your note if I can peel him away from his computer not that I think it will change anything, as you say, it’s a man thing but we love you anyway. Love and kind thoughts to you. Janey
Dear Janey…..have him read it…..tell him I asked you to…..sometimes we don’t even realize what we are doing ….or not doing……sometimes we just have to be made aware……and you’re right it may not change anything…..it’s too bad it takes something tragic to shake us at our core.
Dear Louis, It is a precious thing when we have the realization that we could have done better in some area in our life. It means God loves us enough to help us with even little things in our lives, which is to be celebrated. It means we have a heart that is sensitive to the leading of God, which we should not want to quench.
We might feel a twinge of disappointment with ourselves when we realize how we fell short, but with God we have the capacity to change and become a better person in that area, which is cause for joy. God would not want us to feel guilt or self-condemnation because that is not how He works. But He created us with the capacity to recognize where we have fallen short and change for the better and to not do so is kind of sad.
It’s very special that you have the capacity to recognize these things and to share with others who may be helped by what you’re experiencing. Please receive these thoughts with the care with which they are sent and be encouraged in your journey.
Louis,
Your heartfelt blogs are helping all of us to heal. Jac, Mommy,Linea Ladies and all your many friends are so proud of you as you slowly continue to move forward.
Beryl
Dear Louis,
Thank you for telling us about your Tuesday and Wednesday. I’m so glad to hear about your wonderful friends who love you and surround you as you move forward through some of these especially difficult times. Cicero said “Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief”.
It’s a testament to what loving and gracious people you and Jac are that you have attracted so many loving and gracious friends.
May God continue to richly bless you.
You know LDO, I think, for the most part, in this life what you give is what you get. Both you and Jac made it a priority to have loving relationships with those around you, treating people with kindness, integrity and decency. In return, your friends were there for you when you need a few angels on Earth, including some who you never saw coming (that painting is wonderful). This is a gift for us too, as we are all trying to live our best, most meaningful lives. We do that by learning from each other. Thank you for sharing the backstory of your return to QVC. You were nothing short of heroic, and Jac is surely very proud of you for honoring her wishes that you make the most of your days. We love you and are always here for you! Kate
Thank you Kate……Jac didn’t have a selfish bone in her body, and you are so right when you say she always treated people with kindness, integrity and decency. As I have said before, she gave of herself freely and happily. Her friends were not many, but those that were were true….Though out her career, she made lots of acquaintances, and some she thought were friends, but many turned out to be disappointments……some small disappointments…..some large. I think that was the reason she wanted us to be just the the happy five of us in our home by the sea….where nothing or no one could harm us. Who was to know this insidious disease would invade and destroy our happy home……As for me, I thank you for thinking I was heroic, but honestly it was always Jac who was Heroic, and I was just following her lead.
It does us all good to hear you are so well cared for; we worry, you know. What incredible gifts of thoughtfulness and LOVE … and that painting has captured Jac’s beauty for all time … astounding. When you speak to Jayne next, please thank her for all of us, as you’ve shared it with us, she’s given us Jac’s memory as well.
Love and Hugs,
Cathy in PA
I agree with Cathy…its very comforting that you were so well taken care of and surrounded by love and support. Thankyou for telling us about it. I hope you were able to get a lot of rest today. Emotional days like that seem to drain more than anything physical ever could. Please remember to eat healthy (I cant help it…its the mom in me!)
What a wonderful picture, it captures the “essence” of Jac. You are blessed to have so many wonderful people in your life.
The love the models, Jayne, and all the crew have for you was evident on Tuesday night. It was wonderful to see you back with
all the new and upcoming fashions and jewelry. Take care of yourself and God Bless.
Dear Louis,
The portrait is gorgeous! It captures Jac’s essence.How lovely of Jayne to paint it for you. I’m so glad that you are surrounded by so much love.You & Jac must be extraordinary people to have such loving & devoted friends.
I know it doesn’t seem like it now but things will get better & you will be okay.You have your wonderful memories, your dear family & friends, & your work.Your’re the classiest designer QVC has ever had!! You make us look & feel beautiful!!
What a wonderful gift to have such friends who help carry you as you try to go on. And, Jac was so wise and loving to know what you would need and to help guide you, even as she was preparing to go on her own journey. Your love for each other is truly beautiful. One of my favorite quotes about love is by the French writer, Albert Camus, who wrote, “I know of only one duty, and that is to love.” You and Jac fulfilled that duty so well, and I thank you for sharing that with us.
I know that you must know how lucky you are to be surrounded by such love, and I do hope that helps you a bit. I echo the thanks of the Linea Ladies who love your artistry and are so grateful that you continue to give us such beauty in your designs.
Wishing you peace and some comfort in your memories.
It is beautiful to see you being accompanied through a journey you can’t make only in your own power. Blessings to you.
Thank you for sharing this with us. You are blessed that you have so many wonderful people in your life that care deeply about you. Continued prayers for you Louis.
Yes, thanks for sharing this story! There are a lot of people who care about you so much! I too, was happy that Jayne was the host with you. She does a great job and she is a very talented artist!
Oh, Louis, thank you for writing of your time at QVC, this week. We were all so concerned for you, being it would be your first time back. Well, your wonderful wife is a fabulous planner and arranger and she made sure that you would be surrounded by love and caring to try and ease the burden and loss that you feel so deeply. Bittersweet for you but she wrapped you in her loving arms and sent you into the warmth of loving caring friends who would insure your safety. So many beautiful and thoughtful presents and each one chosen with kindness and love to help you find some form of comfort. Jayne’s portrait of Jac is beautiful and as you pointed out, the many hours it took to complete was an additional gift. We were so glad to see you and you did very well. Loved your suit, beautifully tailored, you looked very handsome and distinguished. I am sure that Jac made sure Jayne was the host. She had, just, the right touch and kindness toward you. You were very brave and the collection was beautiful. Jac is very proud as always. Promises were kept, Louis. You were so funny about the laundry!! I guarantee the most difficult part was figuring out how to use the machine, so many settings, so many choices, so many buttons!!! Prayers continue for you. oxoxox Cat
What talent Jayne has! She captured Jac very well with the necklace & the ocean behind her.
So glad you brought a friend with you for your trip.
That get together was just the best thing for all to remember your Jac.
When I first saw your post and the portrait of Jac I was wowed. But then to read Jayne painted it??? I had to reread what you wrote. I am so impressed at her talent, but even moreso with her taking the time to paint such a beautiful portrait for you. How incredibly thoughtful. I’ve always liked Jayne and was thought she was the perfect pairing for you, especially for your first show back.
I got tears as I read your post. I can imagine how difficult of a trip it was for you, but I’m thankful you had the company of a good friend and had such a meaningful get together beforehand. What thoughtful gifts you received. Wonderful women who thought a lot of Jac and you.
Thank you for sharing this with us. Hugs to you…