…………………It seems like yesterday that Jac passed away and left me……and yes, after six years, the feelings aren’t constantly as raw, and with time the pain that I had every moment of the day has faded………but scratch me just below the surface, and it all comes back….as real and painful as ever. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t speak to Jac, but there are never any answers…..I’m always looking for her signs……I remember when her dear mother died she would say to me…”Lou, I don’t hear her…I know she would do anything in her power to reach me!! I don’t even see her in my dreams!”….I knew she was loosing faith….Every day from the day her mom passed away until nine years later when Jac could no longer hold a pencil, she would sit in her moms room, looking out the window at the water, and wrote to her on her legal pads….I would try to reassure her and sooth her by telling her “she’s always here with you hon in everything you do….she’s inside of you, she’s in your heart”….so now I’m always looking for Jac’s signs to me…I too, for the first year, sat in that same chair and every day I wrote to Jac…..but I felt in my heart that she knew what I wanted to say to her before I could put pencil to paper so I stopped…..Talking to her helped me more than the writing….I have read many books about grief, and the words did give momentary solace, but they too fade with time, and the pain comes back…..I have been collecting these quotes for a long time, and have been saving them for today…Each one speaks so true to me…….I miss my Jac terribly, but I know she wanted me to go on and be HAPPY…I have no choice…….Go on I will until we are together again……but it’s the happy part that is difficult.
Louis,
It is always apparent just how much you miss Jac. I’m sorry for your pain and sorry that she didn’t get to experience these past six years.
My husband of 55 years died about a year and a half ago and I seem to feel his loss more acutely today than
in the beginning. You described exactly how I feel… “scratch the surface” and there it is. I have a pig who holds a sign-board on my kitchen counter and the words I have written on it are, “Don’t cry because it’s over –
Smile because it happened”. (Dr. Seuss) When I see the pig each day, I am reminded to be grateful to have shared life and love with my wonderful husband – and I smile.
All I can say is it never gets better, but it does get a little easier. My husband died at 31, he’s been gone 44 years now. We packed a lifetime of memories in the 13 years we had together. Every now and then one of those memories hits me and feels like someone is stabbing me in the heart. But after all these years, most of the memories bring a smile to my face. The hardest part now as I get older and lose more family and friends there are fewer and fewer people who remember him. You make new friends, new neighbors, co-workers, people who never knew him. So my best advice, and I am without doubt that you do this, talk about Jac with the people you have common, tell stories, laugh, share the good and the bad, make people talk about her. Some people don’t want to make you feel bad, but they don’t understand that the love they felt for her only deepens and strengthens the love you had for each other. Love is a miracle. Some of us are beyond lucky to have experienced it. Thank you for sharing this day. Caring thoughts are with you.
You are in my thoughts, Louis. A hard day, to be sure. An Irish thought: ” Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal.” I’ve always thought this summed it up quite well for those of us who have lost someone very dear to us.
simply said, and very true
🙏 I have always admired the way you loved her, watching both of you on qvc and reading your blog. God bless
Beautiful Louis, I too miss her terribly 😢
Always fondly remembered.